My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
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She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
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I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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