You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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