If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
