your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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