I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
