I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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