I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
