If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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