i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
