Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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