Porn is love you can see.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
