I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
