sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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