I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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