i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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