my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
