we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
