So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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