you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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