Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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