My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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