Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
