Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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