I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
