There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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