What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
