The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
