The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
