There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
