you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
