Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
