How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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