I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
