yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
