He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
