It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Use "feeling words"
Yay
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
