i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
