so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
