WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
