Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
