we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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