brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
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