what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
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Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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