i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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