i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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