so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
