it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
