Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
your like the ambassador to my penis.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
