I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
