Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
