omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
