Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
