Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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