He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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