yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
