oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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