just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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