I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
