I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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